I’ve been writing about how depressed and lonely I have been. That is only part of it – my mind has been racing with thoughts about how unjustly I have been treated. The blow-up at the case manager last week was really the last straw. I can’t believe how many negative thoughts I have been having. It is not just the last two weeks, but this has been going on since my case broke more than three years ago, that alone is a depressing thought!
I had an epiphany today. Here I am in solitary confinement with no one to talk to except the occasional guard to ask for an extra milk at meal time. This is like a silent retreat. After all, I am in a bare cell alone reading a lot of spiritual and religious things, and I have been silent (though the guys from DC are still constantly making an ungodly amount of noise). I would be paying a fortune on the outside to have the privilege of a silent retreat.
The point is that I need to re-frame this experience. Savor the opportunity to be lost in good thoughts. I have been practicing transcendental meditation since 1974 but I haven’t been meditating since I came to prison. That changes today! I will use my TM to re-frame my thoughts and re-center myself. I can do it. I’ve done it in the past and I can do it in here.